I do not see my value
I edit it out
The more gives me less
It is the wrong way about
It is shame I feel now
The value all gone
The path that I chose
The career girl all gone
Valuable won’t come
From the car that I drive
Nor the life that I lead
like a bee in a hive
Valuable is not hidden
In the pay cheque I desire
Or at the job that I left
to write blogs and inspire
Valuable does not come
With certificates on the wall
Valuable is in my actions
My thoughts and all
Valuable you elude me
like a clean kitchen floor
When will this all end
I can do no more
It is eating me up
this shame that I feel
Leaving deep gashes in my soul
that won’t seem to heal
Valuable is the word
The feeling I seek
It comes from within
The way that I speak
The words that I utter
Inside my own head
To that big ugly question
I have now come to dread
What is it you do?
I expect them to say
As shame pops in again
Wanting to stay
The words I now say
As I look in the mirror
You add value, yes you
Dont’ forget it for a minute
Today I am proud
Hands high in the air
I am enough, yes enough
Time to end this despair
Yes Karen! It is a value that isn’t immediate. Not like dentistry, or engineering or medicine. There’s little that’s tangible to the eyes right away. However – it is such a valuable thing that you’re doing! Raising strong, confident littlies is the best thing you can do. Hang in there.
Thanks Kelly.
It’s funny because my husband and I had a talk about this yesterday. I had a lot of extra money from working a lot last month, but I knew it would be used up fast, and I’d have to put myself out there again.
Yesterday, I used nearly all of the rest of my money on a new bed. It’s something we drastically needed and will love. I got teary-eyed and my husband told me I had to stop measuring my value by how much money is in my checking account.
He said, “Be the Tamara you are! Be the happy person you are!”
Tamara you have a very wise and wonderful husband, sounds like mine.
I usually do the “check-in” with my husband about once a year. He works tirelessly for our family and I have the responsibility/luxury/blessing/job of staying at home and running our family life and home management. I’ve worked since I was 15 and have always shined in my workplace. Always identified as a leader. But once a year it seems I need to have the conversation that what I’m doing is still a)what we need b) not causing resent or an imbalance in our relationship c)is worth it. Throw in a little of my own inner speak of “but you actually don’t do anything that brings in the money day to day” mixed with a little “but I worked 60 hours a week for years to get where we are” and I always end up reassured that this is my time to invest in our family, my own interests and to be the biggest cheerleader for my husband. I forget all of that sometimes. I feel like a fraud when people say, “well you are always sooooo busy. What do you do for work?” I know that we (and I) am fine with me. I just go with that!
Kelly the “check in” and the communication is so incredibly important. Thank You
It’s hard not to imagine how different your life would be if you continued in your former profession rather than changing paths to blog and inspire and spend more time with your children.But know that you are making a positive difference in the lives you touch. You DO add value! Listen to that voice that says “YES!”
Thanks Mo, it is hard to imagine life any differently now.