I was making a fresh pot of tea and prepared to re-enter the room when I heard an unusual voice. It was full of delicious delight, very different to the one I was accustomed to. This voice was much more animated. There was an energy to it and a clever use of pitch that was taking its listener on an incredible journey.
I paused at the door, noticing her legs happily swinging beneath the chair, a smile stretched across her face as her arms gestured about, moving quickly to add even more expression to her words.
Her eyes were bright, glistening with the excitement as she recalled a moment, her moment.
I stood in awe of my daughter as she continued to tell her own story.
I tried to remain still, I did not want to disturb her, to distract her. I did not want her to ever stop.
My friend sat perched on the edge of her chair, her head tilted, while she listened.
She was listening with full eye contact and attention, not doing anything else.
She was listening to understand this nine-year old’s perspective, not to offer advice.
She was listening to absorb the words and meaning behind this story, not to retell her own.
She was listening without interrupting or drifting off to her own thoughts and stories.
She was listening to understand, not to respond.
She was listening with equal delight and my daughter was blossoming before our eyes.
All of a sudden the story stopped, Miss 9 caught my eye, she had the look of, Is this okay? I looked back with damp eyes and a huge smile. I nodded a very definite YES, this is gloriously okay.
I quietly dropped to the floor and sat in awe of this wonderful storyteller.
She added her own unique humour while taking us on a journey. She shared her insights and marvels and spoke with maturity beyond her years.
I was spellbound.
All too soon the story ended and she skipped off to play with her brother. I sat down a changed mother, vowing to listen, really listen more to my children and to everyone.
I sat down, thanking my exquisite friend for her two most incredible gifts that day. The gift of listening and understanding she gave to Miss 9 and the gift of awareness she gave to me.
A gift I now choose to share with you.
What is one thing you can do to become a better listener? Leave me a note in the comments.
I have been told that I am a good listener. I think this skill grew for me as my years as a teacher unfolded. As a teacher, I’ve got to be a good listener, children need my undivided attention, they need to know that I value them and so I really do try with this. Like anything else, I think being a good listener takes time to build and master.
I am also getting better at putting off conversations when I know that I will be distracted. This is a tough one for me as I hate telling people no. Even though I always re-schedule, I still feel badly about it.
Tami wise advice. Some conversations are better to wait if we cannot give them the attention they deserve.
I used to always see kids trying to get their parent’s attention, to no avail. And I’d get so mad. I’d vow that when I had kids, they’d have 100% of me. Always.
And of course you know how it really is. We get annoyed. Bored. Anxious. Sometimes.
I vow to listen with my whole heart and whole body, and yes, I do believe kids pick up on body language. And your description of your friend listening made my heart warm.
Tamara I did that too. Yes I was going to be fully attentive all the time. REALITY hit. That being said listening and watching my daughter so animatedly retell a story has me longing for so much more.
What a special gift you received…..one which we all can receive if we only ‘choose’ to listen. Thanks for sharing, for reminding us that the simple act of ‘listening’ can bring such joy into all our lives.
Thanks Debbie, listening is such a gift we can give another human and yes a moment of joy.
What a gift listening is. To hear without judgement and be completely absorbed in the other’s telling. I love when that happens – both as a listener and as someone being listened to.
Thanks Linda
I’m with you Karen. There is an art to listening and your friend has it in spades. She is a friend to treasure. The way you describe this scene is perfect. I am right there in the room with the three of you. There is nothing quite like the excitement of someone running with a story knowing they are being listened to is there?
Kelly thank you, glad you joined me.
Listen was my friend’s word of the year in 2013. I helped her to honor it with gentle reminders frequently last year – that of course served to remind myself that listening is a gift. Love your story and witnessing your daughter blossom. It also reminds me of a Stephen Covey lesson: listen to understand first before we speak.
Debbie, I read 7 Habits of Highly Effective People many years ago and listening to understand was a big awakening for me then. Love when I meet another Covey fan.
Listening is an art that isn’t nearly appreciated enough. When people feel down, they usually don’t need advice, just someone to listen to what ails them. Just the act of telling someone often helps them feel better.
Listening is an art and one many of us do not practice enough. We are often such great advice givers our listening is turned off.
I love the way you tell this story of your storyteller daughter. You have filled me with the awe of that moment. Thank you for inspiring me to listen with greater awareness.
Harmony she is a gifted little girl, who loves to write and tell stories. I am thrilled I did her justice.
This post is a lovely reminder of the neglected art of listening. I really need to improve my listening skills. I’m not a huge talker, but my mind will wander off. I feel awful when this happens and I hope that people do not notice. I just need to get my brain to relax.
I think a huge struggle that I have with listening is what to say at the end of someone’s chat. For an example, if a friend of mine is talking to me about a problem or a way someone hurt her, my first instinct it to help her fix the problem. I listen to the story, but I do not know if I should respond with a solution or not.
I think that the best way to respond to anyone’s conversation is with encouragement. If they ask for your thoughts, then give them a recommended solution.
Erika what a splendidly honest answer. Often people aren’t looking for solutions they just want to be heard and to get the chatter they have outside their own head. You sound like a wonderful listener and very encouraging, exactly what a great friend is.
I consider it priceless when people tell me stories no matter how simple, stupid or ordinary it maybe, much more when the stories come from my children.