When did it begin?
The teen years? You should shave your legs, you should wear this brand of clothing, you should, you should……..
Was this when I created The Book Of Should? That enormous book of instructions and commands. The one I drag out and frantically add to when I am new and unsure.
New to a group, new to a role, new to a life stage. Trying “to fit in” and desperate to do “the right thing”.
Gradually year by year I have added more and more shoulds to my book.
The book is filled with messages heard, read and imagined. Messages from the media, the internet, my peer groups, my family, my friends.
Endless messages instructing me on how to “get it right”.
A girlfriend should, a wife should, a Mum should, a friend should, a daughter should, the kids should.
I should be home with the kids, I should be back at work, I should cook every night, I should exercise daily,
Should, should, should…….
At my most vulnerable I switch off my intuitive thinking and the shoulds lead the way.
If I do everything I should, it will all be okay,
soon becomes
I don’t want to but I should
then finally
Who am I? What am I doing?
It takes courage to challenge our Book of Shoulds, to question its direction, its rules and regulations.
I should is not reason enough to say yes.
Of course I feel guilty and scared too. Worried what may happen if I don’t do everything I should.
I should go to dinner – may become – I am tired and I value my rest, it is okay to say no.
OR
I have not been out in ages, I value my friendships and I would love to go. It is a yes this time. Then instead of searching for an excuse to leave early I am desperately hoping the night never ends.
As you question the shoulds, and act true to yourself, you also gain the ability to reignite your desires. They surface knowing you have the strength and ability to hear and action them. You are no longer battle weary and depleted from upholding The Book of Shoulds. You have renewed energy, a heat almost, igniting your passion for life. Creating strong moments, allowing you to dive deeper than ever into your decadent pool of desires.
Life is amazing, I never want this to end.
Replaces
Why am I here? and What am I doing?
Do you have a book of shoulds? Do you find yourself doing things you should without question?
A wonderful thing happened around the time I turned the big 4-0…I naturally started focusing more on the “coulds” and less on the “shoulds”! It’s a nice little benefit of aging!
I’m changing my ‘should’ to ‘could’. ‘could’ gives me a clear choice in every situation it is applied to.
Annette I love this, I could gives us choice.
I love this! It is simple, but powerful.
My big “should” is exercise. Life is too short for empty should’s except for on , we should just BE. X
Sarah, yes the empty shoulds are not where we want to waste our time.
Very true, I often do things because I think I should be. I like that you pointed out that depending on what the motivation for the should is it could or could not be a valid reason. Life is too short to spend it doing things without sound reasons!
Corlie that is the trick , there are times when we will want to do something and this is brilliant, should is never reason enough.
I think growing I tried to keep up with the shoulds but now in my 30’s I do what I can when I can and do it my way. This post is eye opening though because there are lots of things we should do but won’t no matter what. Stopping over from SITS
Thanks Kita, consciously challenging the shoulds is an eye opener.
I do have a Book of Shoulds& I have to say its kept me from enjoying my life, truly enjoying it. Thanks for the wake up call #SITSsharefest
Great post..I think I was close to 40 before I realized I don’t really have many absolute shoulds…
Renee great stuff happens around 40.