When did it begin?
The teen years? You should shave your legs, you should wear this brand of clothing, you should, you should……..
Was this when I created The Book Of Should? That enormous book of instructions and commands. The one I drag out and frantically add to when I am new and unsure.
New to a group, new to a role, new to a life stage. Trying “to fit in” and desperate to do “the right thing”.
Gradually year by year I have added more and more shoulds to my book.
The book is filled with messages heard, read and imagined. Messages from the media, the internet, my peer groups, my family, my friends.
Endless messages instructing me on how to “get it right”.
A girlfriend should, a wife should, a Mum should, a friend should, a daughter should, the kids should.
I should be home with the kids, I should be back at work, I should cook every night, I should exercise daily,
Should, should, should…….
At my most vulnerable I switch off my intuitive thinking and the shoulds lead the way.
If I do everything I should, it will all be okay,
I don’t want to but I should
Who am I? What am I doing?
It takes courage to challenge our Book of Shoulds, to question its direction, its rules and regulations.
I should is not reason enough to say yes.
Of course I feel guilty and scared too. Worried what may happen if I don’t do everything I should.
I should go to dinner – may become – I am tired and I value my rest, it is okay to say no.
I have not been out in ages, I value my friendships and I would love to go. It is a yes this time. Then instead of searching for an excuse to leave early I am desperately hoping the night never ends.
As you question the shoulds, and act true to yourself, you also gain the ability to reignite your desires. They surface knowing you have the strength and ability to hear and action them. You are no longer battle weary and depleted from upholding The Book of Shoulds. You have renewed energy, a heat almost, igniting your passion for life. Creating strong moments, allowing you to dive deeper than ever into your decadent pool of desires.
Life is amazing, I never want this to end.
Why am I here? and What am I doing?
Do you have a book of shoulds? Do you find yourself doing things you should without question?