As we gathered around the table I noticed the eclectic mix of mismatched old plates. I am a huge fan of personal expression and if this was creativity at work I would have admired her style and continued eating.
Yet I knew this was not a creative expression.
Out of respect I held in any questioning or comments on this random choice of crockery, and yet I continued to wonder.
I recalled a day, many years ago, and the moment I noticed her quietly lusting after a particular range of dinnerware. As she lovingly held up each plate she recounted her desire to own such beauty. Her dream of having a pretty plate to put a cake on when friends stopped by. She was a single Mum in the 70ies and 80ies and would never have indulged in such niceties, not with 3 kids to raise and a mortgage to pay on her own.
That very Christmas my husband and I pooled our money and bought her the dinner set, along with a few extra fancy pieces to go with it. She excitedly unwrapped it and proudly placed it on the table to be used.
It has been quite some time since we last shared a meal around that same table. As the years marched on it became easier for me to do all the festive cooking and so the various celebrations had been relocated to our home. This year for a change I took the food and the family to her.
We finished eating and I busied myself in the kitchen preparing dessert. Glancing over and noticing her engrossed in play with the children I decided to look for some bowls myself.
I opened the cupboard and there, stacked ever so neatly and covered in a light coat of dust, was the dinner set we bought all those years ago. I reached in and grabbed the stack of bowls and quickly rinsed them in the sink. One by one I filled each bowl and headed for the table.
She caught my eye and then noticed the fancy bowl in my hand, I paused, had I overstepped my mark?
“Oh your using those bowls’, she said.
“Yes I am”, I blurted, trying to cover up my nervous hesitation. “Is that okay? Is there something wrong with them? Why don’t you use them?” My nervousness turning into a round of twenty questions.
“There is nothing wrong with them”, she said. “I am glad you got them out. I don’t use them because I am saving them for good”.
For good! What does that mean? When is good?
I slowly ate my dessert all the while pondering this notion of good.
I took my time gathered my thoughts and then fairly and squarely looked her in the eye and said………
This is the good, each and every single day of your life is the good. There is no one more important entering your home than you, you are the good.
She blinked away a tear and looked at me in disbelief before quickly changing the conversation.
In that very moment I made a lifelong promise;
To regularly use my fancy china and to sip champagne from my crystal flutes.
To spritz on that expensive perfume and burn my exotic candles.
To frequently wear my finest clothes and twirl in my fancy heels.
To treat each and every moment as grand and to offer up my very best.
My lifelong promise to not save anything for good to recognise that each and everyday of my life is the good.
What are you saving for good? Are you ready to use it, wear it, enjoy it? Go on.
Oh, I’m just like that! We have beautiful china and crystal that we’ve used probably TWICE in our almost 20 years of marriage! WHY?? My mother in law is SO good about this. She definitely has the “any time we are together, I get out the good stuff” mentality–even for just a regular Sunday dinner. It’s awesome. I need to be more like that because you are so right! EVERY day is a “good” day and worthy of our special stuff! What am I waiting for? –Lisa
Lisa, you have used it TWICE in 20 years!!! Wowzas. Drag it out, use it, love it, admire it. I had a reader message me to say she got her fancy stuff out for dinner last night with hubby and the kids and how awesome it felt.
Good luck
This is definitely something to think about. I could see if she was using them at special parties that she was actually having or something that happened a few times a year, but it sounds like saving them is only making them collect dust. I agree with you. Make everyday a good day! Thanks for sharing this with us at Countdown in Style! Don’t forget to stop by to see if you are featured on Friday! xo
Hi Brittnei thanks for having me, I will be back very soon.
I’m really feeling this! I’m the worst! I call it rationing. If I have a dress or pair of jeans that I LOVE, I never wear them. I save them for special occasions. However, then special occasions do come and I still don’t pull the trigger. Eventually I outgrow them or forget about them.
It’s bad.
Money is tight so I often worry of going through things and not being able to afford new. However, your post really hit home with me.
Tamara I still fight the urge to do this too and yet I have never actually “worn out” my clothing. It feels amazing when you wear the best you have all the time, somehow I have am extra little spring in my step. No saving it up today is the day.
By the way I even love more the feeling of daggy home day clothes.
I think we can all relate to this! I’ve got a cabinet full of beautiful wine glasses but use the free ones I got at a wine tasting. What if I break one? Well, what if I do? I’m pretty sure the world won’t end. Thanks for the reminder there is no special occasion more important than today!
Mo if you break one at least you know they were used, more joy in that than finding them all dusty and perfect many many years down the track.
Just before Christmas, we lost a friend to cancer. She was 16 years old. She taught us this very lesson. When is good? Right this minute, because we never know if this minute would be our last. She taught us to live our life fully and in the present…this present moment is really all we’ve got and we need to make the most of it.
Thank you for the reminder Karen. 🙂
Tami I am very sorry for your tragic loss, 16 years old, so young, it makes no sense. We do have the present and it is not something any of us should take for granted, live live live as big and bold as you can.
My mom is like that (less now than before) and I think it’s from having lived with so little when she was growing up. She would save the good stuff for the good or the right moment, but missing out that every day, like you said, is the good and the right moment. She passed that attitude on to me until…you know, I’m not sure when I changed but I’m thankful I did. Every day is a good day even when it doesn’t feel like it. And I found that when a day isn’t going as well as I’d hoped, it gets better when I twirl in my fancy heels while sipping champagne 🙂 crystal flutes optional.
Anna I love it, crystal flutes optional…Enjoy
Years ago my sister gave me a book with the title – “Use the good china” It is this post but in a book. I must try and find it again. Thank you for this timely reminder Karen. I’m going to use the good china tonight for our pasta dinner.
Enjoy that delicious pasta Kelly in the good china. Hope you find the book it sounds fabulous.
We have china we received as a wedding gift that we have never used once in our 21 years. Maybe I should get it out. But its not that I am saving it…it’s more that I can’t be bothered to hand wash. Is that bad? But you are right…there are things we save and save and save…why not enjoy them now?! I will remember that!
Michelle I am with you on the handwashing, although a glass of wine and a friend or sister to chat with while you wash always distracts me from the unpleasantness. Sip and wash I call it.
This is beautiful, Karen. We just bought a home and my in-laws bought us a nice set of China. I put it in the cabinet and said, great, we have dishes. After growing up in the 80s on all of the plastic covered couches, I vowed never to “save” something for a special occasion. Those are few and far between, but the daily is truly a blessing. Thanks for sharing and linking up with Countdown in Style! Don’t forget to come back on Friday to see if you were featured!
~~April~~
100lbCountdown.com
Plastic covered couches now that is saving for good. So wonderful to hear your are not doing the same, enjoy the china hand I will check in on Friday.
This is beautiful. I’ve always been a “saving it for good” type of person, but recently, I have started to change my ways. Saving things for later or “better” undervalues the now 🙂
How true, the now is valuable.
Oprah wrote an article similar to this in her magazine shortly after JFK Jr.’s plane went down. She recommended using the good towels. I had just gotten married and had all this new stuff. Really made me think. Over the years I have used some of the good stuff for everyday, but now all.
I admit I saved my wedding gifts too for a while. It was after my Nana died and we found boxes of brand new things and dresses with tags on she had been saving for good. I went home that day and unboxed all those glasses and dinnerware and started using them.
Enjoy your good stuff, I know I do.
What a great way to look at life! I love this, and how you responded so well! I would have just shrugged it off and poured more wine haha!
xx Caitlin
Caitlin don’t worry there was lots of wine pouring going on as well.
I loved this post!
I like to make and give handmade quilts to family and friends. I implore them to *use* them to wear them out! Some of my favorite childhood memories are using quilts made by my great-grandmother. Things like that – made and given out of love – should be used.
Oh Lydia yes yes. Those gorgeous quilts should be used and adored, what a wonderful gift.
I am pretty good at using the stuff that I have for occasions! I guess I need to drink more champagne though as I mostly use the glasses on New Year’s Eve, that’s all 🙂
Thanks for the reminder, Karen!
Delia a worthy reason to drink more champagne.
I am guilty of this. I will be getting the wedding present cutlery out very soon 🙂
Francesca so good to hear. Enjoy that meal with the fancy cutlery.
I just pinned this over on my Beauty and Synchronicity board. Yes, today is the good time, this is the good time.