I like organisation.
No it is stronger than that, I LOVE TO BE ORGANISED!
Anyone who knows me well also knows routine, structure and organisation hang out with me on a regular basis.
We are all great friends, most of the time. We get along, we compliment each other, we are the 1+1=3 equation at work.
So what is the problem? Well the truth is, and this is hard to say, we don’t always play well with others. You see spontaneity and adventure often clash with routine and structure.
I love to play with everyone. Yes I have my favourites, the gang I feel safe with, but I also love to inject a spark of adventure into my life.
Every now and then I feel an overwhelming desire to break ranks, yes I want to fall out of line with my usual gang.
The urge kicks in to rebel, throw the cat amongst the pigeons, do something wildly unexpected.
Now before you get too excited in anticipation of eye bulging photos of me hanging by my ankles from a bungee rope, I am talking about everyday escapades that break my own rules. Mini rebelliousness that leaves no blemish and yet adds a little zest to my world.
I imagine my house becoming disorderly, shoes piled up at the door, washing baskets overflowing, dishes piled up in the sink, rinsed of course. I am sitting in amongst this chaos blissfully writing, taking photos or painting. I am happy, the housework will wait, dinner can be eggs on toast or takeaway, I am living with wild abandon.
I try it even, I let things go, indulge in an afternoon of creativity at the expense of organisation, I leave the beds unmade, NOOO WAAAY !!
I am actually happy for a while, carefree, kids stay up late, waiting for me to make dinner and organise baths.
I then go all out, I begin staying up very late, night after night creating. I can do this I am carefree, on an adventure in my own backyard.
Then reality catches me, she has routine, structure and organisation hot on her heels. I plummet back to earth, and hit it hard.
My day is now frazzled, frantic, clumsy, hot-headed and overwhelmed. Lacing it all together is guilt.
All I now see is a mess I cannot work in, live in or create in. I want to crawl on hands and knees from one end of the house to the other cleaning and fixing my wrongs. Punishing my carefree indulgence.
Sounds Crazy? Sounds normal?
This is my glorious walk along the tightrope of life. Leaning between Rigid and Rebel, aiming for the sweet spot. Lean too far either way, push too hard and travel too fast and I plummet. Falling down to the net of reality before bouncing back up, crazy frustrated and out of sorts. There are many times too when I navigate the rope happily, for weeks days and months, pushing boundaries and knowing when to pull back just in time.
Each and every one of us has our own teams of Rigid and Rebel, pushing and pulling us. Keeping us on the strongest path to happiness.
So tell me do you often Rebel, or is it Rigid you need more of? How do you maintain your equilibrium?