I have stumbled many times in my life.
Some stumbles I am yet to heal from…….
It was mid morning. I was in the company of trusted souls. Amidst the lattes and banana cake we were dissecting our lives, attempting to make some sense of the daily chaos.
Spilling our stories, laughing and nudging each other, sisterhood built upon mutual understanding.
Then this happened……….
A tale was told.
I related, memories dragged up from my own humiliating moment. One I was not proud of and one I had buried to forget.
I fell silent, feeling my unhealed wound beginning to crack wider and wider.
My eyes darted around, concerned the world could see my flaws spilling out all over the ground.
Despite my intense longing for comfort and understanding, I gathered my things, desperate to make a hasty retreat.
I was shaking, my physical body unable to contain the adrenaline now pulsing within.
I waited for a pause, offered an excuse and scooted to the safety of my car.
I sat in silence, an ache radiating from my throat to the depths of my chest.
I was afraid to cry, afraid to let it out, afraid to feel this enduring pain.
I turned the car and headed for home.
I was running like a child with a scraped knee in desperate search of their Mumma.
I wanted comfort, security, I imagined tumbling into someones arms, letting go of all my control and allowing a feeling of relief to wash over me.
I hesitated, terrified to allow my raw truth to be seen by anyone.
I frantically began to squash it all again, stomping my feelings back down.
I gulped, blinking furiously, fighting to regain my composure.
Retreat, retreat, on repeat as I drove home.
Closing the door, cutting myself off, my shield up once again.
“Shame derives its power from being unspeakable” – Brene Brown
That moment has left me pondering, questioning the barriers we build to protect ourselves.
The fear of disconnection and rejection that causes us to cloak ourselves in secrecy.
Hiding our messy imperfections and allowing shame to control our life.
Denying ourselves the healing powers from deep, honest and intimate connections.
What if living fabulously includes easing in to vulnerability, allowing ourselves to be truly seen and accepting help to heal our wounds?
My heart aches for you. I’ve felt that way too. In my experience, it IS important to be vulnerable and acknowledge what has happened to us, what we have done or what we may have seen or heard or said. However, it’s also very, very not necessary to share that with everyone. It’s okay to share with only someone very trustworthy. I once shared a painful realization I had had about my family to my absolutely very best friend and her response was wow, you just had a regular Peyton Place going on there. Not helpful, but I learned. Somethings are best not told to everyone, and there is no obligation to do that. I’ve learned to share selectively. Sharing with the right person or people in order to heal is very empowering.
Linda, I agree many of out stories are best not told to everyone. Selectively choosing who we share with, and what we share with them, is an empowering approach. Knowing when we need support and acting on it is an important part of the healing process.
I’m so sorry you experienced that. I can relate to how challenging it can be to share when something is really raw or we aren’t in the presence of trusted souls. You will get an opportunity to heal when the time is right.
Michele, some healing does take more time as does building trust and accepting support. All positive steps toward more fabulous future.
Showing vulnerability is difficult in a world where those around you are as likely to take the opportunity to strike at your soft throat as give you a comforting hug.
Sharing our vulnerability with trusted souls is one of the ways we heal ourselves. Letting others witness our vulnerability helps us to connect with others. That being said, it is so important to be selective about who we share our innermost thoughts with. Trust is critical when sharing our deepest secrets. You will know when the time is right Karen and you will know who to trust with this information. Thanks for sharing your vulnerability with us!
Nancy, trust is the key to unlocking vulnerability. Knowing the time is right and then retreating in fear anyway is what denies that moment of connection. Trusting in our judgement is as crucial as trusting the other person.
Karen, you write about this experience so beautifully. That’s exactly what it feels like and I’ve been there too. I think it’s the connections with one another that we can find the most healing and even forgiveness for ourselves. Do we fear rejection so much more than the benefit we would get from being vulnerable? Again, not judging, just admiring and hugging you from afar.
Naomi, only love and concern felt here as I enjoy the virtual hug.
Yes I do believe our fear of rejection holds us back from opening up and accepting the healing support around us.
I think that “easing in” is the key. For something as deep and painful as your truth clearly is, I think releasing little bits at a time to a truly trusted few is a good start. Baby steps turn into great advances as our souls heal. Hugs to you.
Mo, yes baby steps, easing in. I can do this.
As I’ve grown older, I’ve found that revealing vulnerability has often been the answer. I used to shut off my heart from the world. I think revealing it, bruises and all, has led me to closer romances and friendships.
It’s not easy, though.
Tamara, yes, yes, yes.
So scary and yet to be truly seen allows people to truly love and adore.
Closer relationships and romances as a result is living fabulously.
Know that we all carry those stories within us…..I think it is not so important when or if you share the story. The importance is in learning from the them…..striving to do better…and finally letting them go…..
Thanks Debbie, it is time to let go of this one.
I love that you quote Brene Brown here. I read her all the time and try to find courage in her strength and the way she brilliantly fights shame. I take small steps, you too a big one. But you took it. You took a few back but you still moved forward. Yes, I believe that living fabulously requires vulnerability. And we’re all working towards it.
Tricia I love discovering other Brene Brown followers, her work is truly inspirational and has helped me understand what vulnerability means to me and how it can enrich my life. Thank you enormously for joining in the conversation.
Oh how hard this must have been Karen. I’m with Linda on the sharing only with folks you can truly trust. I am curious – did these people you shared the info with ever follow up? Ever reach out to you? Or was the whole thing brushed over? If so, how was that for you? Sending you a jumbo hug dear friend.
Oh wow. I’m sorry you had to go through this. Coming from someone who was rejected since conception, I’ve learned that you have to trust God and yourself. Everyone else can be flaky, but if you trust yourself with what you share, you will find new confidence in your own transparencyvisiting from the SITS Sharefest
Samantha thank you for sharing part of your story and your wisdom. Thrilled you stopped by.
Wow, I can really feel the power of your feelings through your words. Not everyone needs to know everything, but there should always be that one or two people you can pour your heart out to who don’t make you feel judged, but are there for your comfort. Sometimes it’s hard to decide who that is, but when you find them don’t let them go. Cherish that bond. It’s priceless. I hope you can find that person to help you unleash those feelings and break free from shame.
Jennifer yes those trusted friends are to be cherished. Thrilled you stopped by.