Contemplation captured by Melanie Van Kuyk
“I thought everything would’ve fallen into place by now, but instead it seems to be falling apart.”
It was my messy kitchen confession. Somewhere between the pasta sauce, breakfast cereal and dirty dishes I found clarity and honesty. And as my sister leaned across the bench I found the courage to share my truth.
I’m not sure why I thought life would magically fall into place once we moved to a new city. But it hasn’t.
I remember the first time I said this to myself. It was a cold wet day less than a year ago. My hands were so stiff from hours of painting, that I struggled to hold my own coffee cup. I was tired, achy and wanting to quit our Reno’s, so I’d gone out for caffeine and to give myself a pep talk.
It was what I did when doubt crept in. When I wondered why we hit the GO button. When I questioned what we were doing.
On this day I was at that icky point. The point of no return. When you’ve gone too far to stop and yet there’s still a mountainous road ahead.
It was on days like this, when the overwhelm hit hard and doubt crept in, I would comfort myself with one consistent thought…. that once we make the move everything will fall into place.
This thought became enough for me to pick the paint out from under my fingernails and climb the ladder again. To pack another box, to bid another farewell. To face the thought of moving somewhere without friends and family nearby.
How did I know everything would fall into place? I didn’t know. I couldn’t know. I simply chose to believe it.
And so, for months now, I’ve been waiting for everything to miraculously work out. Looking for that finish line to mark the end of this hard slog and the beginning of my dream life.
I’ve been sitting by expecting everything to fall into place. And it hasn’t. And its rocked me.
There’s been no end to the challenges I’ve faced socially, financially and emotionally. My confidence has hit all time lows and procrastination has become my constant companion.
I’ve ridden highs and lows like I’m on some crazy rollercoaster ride that just won’t stop. Trapped in my head, over thinking and avoiding commitment to anything new.
But since my confession (and the resulting conversation with my sister) I’ve come to realise that you don’t simply arrive at something incredibly meaningful.
Something as deeply fulfilling, as reaching life’s potential, is an ongoing creation you evolve with.
As cliché as this’ll sound, it’s not a destination you stop at, it truly is a journey.
The realisation of your dreams begins when you investigate your secret yearnings.
When you listen to that idea that lives close to your heart and tugs away at your thoughts. When you allow yourself to want the thing you’ve been pushing away because it seems too much, too big, too selfish.
When you make a fierce and relentless commitment to a long-term vision. A dedication to staying with it, to keep moving forward despite the numerous missteps, challenges, experiences and learnings.
When you go for it, and you keep going. No stopping and waiting for life to work itself out.
Your dream life is close to you now, listen carefully, commit to it and lets move forward together.
Leave a Reply