“How are you?’ We ask and get asked this question countless times each day.
And when we answer we tend to focus on the area of our life that’s concerning us most.
I have so many reasons to be jumping for joy each and everyday, and I know it.
Yet when I’m caught in a business ebb, or I’m falling behind in my commitments or even when I’ve had a rough morning with the kids, I can get tunnel vision and my entire life starts to feel hard, busy and messy.
I’ve recently noticed how much my self-worth is tied into how well, or not well, I think I’m doing at the roles I most value.
How successful I am as a business owner. How many clients and sales I have.
How ‘earth mother-ish’ I am and how on top of things I am as a parent.
How loved up and attentive I am as a wife.
How available and supportive I am as a friend.
How connected and devoted I am as a sister and daughter.
How efficient I am as a housekeeper, cook and family entertainment director.
The bar is high, very high. And when I’m not reaching it I can be very hard on myself. And that’s when things get messy.
I hyper focus on whats not working, who I’m disappointing and what more needs to be done.
I lose perspective and fall into the nasty trap of working even harder in an attempt to scramble back to feel good, to value.
So I scrub, hustle, yell, stomp and sacrifice my self-care in an attempt to control my way back to feeling worthy and valuable.
Maybe similar things happen to you. Maybe your bar is high too. And your sense of value is tied into reaching those lofty heights.
And maybe you’re tired of feeling this way. Tired of the exhaustive cycle. Tired of trying to be all things to all people.
If so, the best thing to do, in my experience, is step away from the calendar, the mop, the lunch boxes, the phone, the computer, the kitchen bench … whatever it is you are trying to control and reconnect with the other parts of your life that are doing well.
For starters here’s 4 prompts to reflect on… You could answer them in a journal, over a cuppa with friends or on the back step as you chat with the dog. (or is that just me?)
- “Right now I feel so proud of myself because…….”
- “One of the best decisions I made recently was…….”
- Is there something you’ve been doing lately that’s not feeling right anymore?
“Seriously I really need to stop….” - Who’s been an important part of your life lately… an amazing friend, colleague or family member?
Have you said thank you to that person?
And finally, do something generous today, (a purely random act of kindness) to remind yourself that you can and do make a difference in people’s lives and this has nothing to do with how clean your house is, how many dinners you host or how much money you earn.
When you know and believe you make a difference, its much easier to ride the ebbs and flows of life.
Because you know that you matter, you are worthy and you are enough… just as you are.
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