I glanced at the clock, I counted the hours.
My day had begun with not enough sleep.
I showered and dressed, make up and hair done.
A quick glance in their rooms to watch them both sleep.
Lunches are packed and water bottles filled. A quick check on my phone for notifications and comments.
There is not enough time.
Kids are woken, and dress as breakfast is made. Library books are all found as shoelaces are tied. Knots brushed from long hair as plaits are woven together.
Show and tell items need a box, it is left on the bench. “I have got it”, I say to my son and myself.
A last-minute rush then we are bundled into the car. The traffic is heavy and oh the dreaded car park.
A moment of horror, I hear him call out, “Mum we forgot show and tell it is still on the bench.”
The morning’s achievements now lost and forgotten.”I am sorry” I murmur to my blue-eyed boy in the back. The voice in my head now telling me, “You are not enough.”
Home to make beds, washing in, washing out. Lego scooped into the box, pencils zipped in a case. A whirlwind of tidy before an online world beckons.
Reading and commenting. Replies and follow ups. Tweeting this, posting that and pinning for later.
Time gets away, the list is unfinished.
Manage your time better I mutter. Yet again not enough.
There is yoga and lunch before some catch up at work.
No time for the shops the classroom door will be first.
The huge smile on my face dissolves in a flash, I hear her sweet voice ask “Did you get my poster paper Mum?”
“Sorry,” I say, there was just not enough time and in my head on repeat “you are not enough.”
We rush to the shop then back into the car. A quick whizz in at home for a snack and swim bags.
I sit by the pool, catching up on my phone. “Did you see that dive Mum?” More sorry and you guessed it , you are not enough.
Home once again, dinner chop, stir and cook.
Showers, then readers and a quick uniform check.
Now back to the list, the long list of to do. So much left unchecked.
The voice getting louder, you have not done enough.
My news feed is swamped and Bloglovin unloved.
I now notice my husband waiting patiently on the couch, anticipating some time for connection and conversation.
Then came the question, the one that I dread. “What did you do today?”
All frantic and frazzled I blurt out my day. So much has been done and yet so much still to do.
Does he know I am not enough?
This all needs to stop, I cannot do this anymore.
I read all this now and I say to myself, you are more than enough throw that guilt to the curb.
Time to see my own value, time to love all of me.
Consider this now…..
Yes you are valuable, you are enough
Yes, you are! And your kids and husband see it.
Each day is a bit of a battle for attention/details/stimulation/connection. Each day is picking and choosing. Each day I think I’m not enough.
Oh yes Tamara, it is the picking and the choosing and the worry I choose wrong. I am enough, you are enough, we are enough.
We can’t do it all Karen. We can’t do it all. Oh the “show and share” items I’ve forgotten, the sandwiches that remained at home, the missed soccer goals …. we can only do so mcuh. At the end of the day I can only hope my guys look back and think Mom tried so hard – she did the best she could.
Thanks Kelly, somehow I keep thinking I CAN do it all. We are all doing the best we can and that my dear friend is enough.
Days like these are all too familiar… It can be especially hard on those days to remember that we are good enough and that we are more than our accomplishments.
But reaching out and connecting definitely eases the ache on those days. As does a good hug. *Hugs*
Oh yes Kim the hugs. More of that please.
Yes, you are enough. We are enough, even if the checklist goes unchecked some days. We place such unrealistic expectations on ourselves, making it easy to feel inadequate. We need to drop the guilt & celerate the many things we are!
Nicole I am all for celebrating our amazing selves.
It sounds to me like you are more than enough, Karen — There is only one of you — Sounds like you are on auto pilot throughout the day — Take time to see the things that “were” done and done well — I believe you will be surprised at what you accomplish that goes un-noticed … Bravo, To You!
~Kristine
Kristine you are spot on, my value will come from taking the time to notice what I have done and not loading myself up with more. Thank you
Karen — I am so glad “I heard you” — We can only use the hours we are given in the best way we know how — I cheer you on — As I do many others — Continue to do what you do, but also try and stop to appreciate YOU! Xo