“Will you come with me?”
Says the voice on the phone.
You want a bright yes,
I can hear it in your tone.
You sound so excited,
Enthusiastic, dizzily so.
Begging for my presence,
How can I say no,
I don’t want to go,
I mumble inside my head.
I don’t want to go
I should say no instead.
I listen to your pleading,
My silence indicating yes.
Discarding my own feelings,
I reluctantly follow this process.
I am asked, then I agree,
I ignore my option to choose.
I am asked and I agree,
Hoping later to find and excuse.
Once again I commit,
Delivering a feeble, weak Yes.
I hang up the phone,
And begin now to stress.
This is not the first time,
My Yes wants to be No.
I overcommit,
And then I feel snowed.
I am a kind, thoughtful person,
Is what I want you to see.
It means I forget,
What is most important to me.
I want to be liked,
There I said it, its true.
I say Yes and not No,
Even when I want to.
I say yes just to please,
What I so often forget.
Saying No when I want to,
Is a sign of respect.
Respect for myself,
I am valuing my time.
Respect for you lovely,
Half-assing no longer my crime.
It is okay to say no,
To not always be the one.
It is okay to say no,
No guilt in this hun.
We cannot do it all,
We may not even want to,
Saying No when we mean it,
Gives our Yes more value.
Do you find it hard to say no? How does it feel when you do say no? Leave me a note in comments.
Yes to saying no! In late 2012 I began to say no to things that I had always done, and say yes to others that had called me for years. That, actually, is how I’ve arrived here on your wonderful blog, commenting, because it led to me my blog, to our blogging group – oh, all of that wonderfulness. 🙂
I smile so broadly as I read this Linda. Saying no made way for saying yes to the art of blogging. I am thrilled to have found this community too.
Recently I had to say no to a few things – mostly photography for free. I do donate a few sessions for raffles a year, but that’s it because I don’t have the time or resources to do more.
After saying no once or twice I started to get worried it would become a thing. My friend said, “Yeah but how many times have you said ‘yes’ lately?” And I realized..lots of times. And then she wisely said, “So you’re just adding ‘no’ to your repertoire – where it should be anyway! At least sometimes.”
So true!
Tamara you have a very wise friend.
I have a hard time saying no sometimes, but it’s wise to be mindful of our own needs and time. We’re the only ones that can control that. We need to sometimes think of ourselves or we’ll be resentful of all the demands on our time.
Michelle saying no can be so hard, really hard and it is the wise person who knows when to say it and then does.
Saying no is such a tough skill to learn and I still struggle with it even after I spent a year focusing on saying no. One thing I learned is that it is okay once in a while to call back and say, “you know what? I’m sorry but I made a mistake when I said yes and I can’t do this after all.” I don’t do that often but it is okay to admit that you made a mistake in saying yes.
Jean I love this. When that cheeky yes sneaks out we can always ring up with honesty and say no. Awesome.
There are times when I do have problems saying no. It’s like we’re expected to always say yes to others desires and wishes but deny ourselves. I’ve learned, like you, that by saying no, it does give our yes more value. A very eloquent post. I found you through Sits Share Fest.
Kalley I often remind myself that my YES will be more valuable when I use my NO wisely too.
I just found your post on the Ladies Only Blog link up and I have to be honest and say that I don’t usually read poetry, but I am glad that I did, as your poem makes sense.
I used to find it harder to say ‘no’ than I do now, but it still makes me feel bad when I do. But life is busy and time is precious, so sometimes a ‘no’ is nesseccary for my sanity.
I think you summed it up nicely in the last verse of your poem when you say ‘ Saying No when we mean it, Gives our Yes more value.’
Oh Debbie I love that you said you don’t usually read poetry and yet were glad you did. I have been fighting this style of post for almost a year and have recently allowed it to flow and see what comes out. i totally enjoy writing this way and am thrilled to know when other people enjoy reading it too.
Don’t fight the flow! Writing should always come from the heart as your poem so obviously did. We have to write in a way that pleases us or we cannot truly express ourselves and I would happily read another one of your poems!
Debbie, yes writing from the heart has an ease and a flow. Thanks for the wonderful comment
Saying no and yes to only the things you really want to is so freeing!
I so agree!! Ppl often confuse a yes for us as a no for them… It’s often less about them and more about us! You go girl!
Thanks Rebecca, love this.
Hee-hee! I just wrote about something similar last week! It is easier to say “No” when the choices are between something good and something dreadful but it is harder when both choices seem good.
I love your poem and I’m glad you posted it on the SITSSharefest so that I could enjoy it!
Yes yes yes, when the choices seem good the “no” is harder to say. Thrilled you stopped by.
I always find it hard to say no, but more so lately. I’m 36 weeks pregnant and should be resting more, but for some reason that makes me want to “rebel” and do everything!
Jade how exciting, anew bubba is almost here. You may find your nesting urge has kicked in too bringing out your “rebel”. Enjoy this most fantabulous time of life.
Learning to say “no” is one of the most important things we can learn. I loved how you expressed it so well by poem. Whenever I say yes to please another person I ALWAYS regret it. Thanks for this great reminder.
Kathy so thrilled you enjoyed my poem style of expression, saying NO is such a tricky little thing and yet so impactful when used correctly.
I have nice girl syndrome. I find it hard to say know, and when I do I feel guilty. I’m working on it! #SITS
JeKaren begin aware of your “Nice girl syndrome” and the guilt out brings for you is a fantastic first step toward change.
I like to think that “nice girls” use their NO wisely to add value to their beautiful YES. No guilt there. All the best.
Crazy how this week, all of my clients wrote blogs about saying NO and now I read yours. I think it’s a sign! <3
Dani, What could that sign be I wonder???? It seems you may know.
I loved this! Saying no is very difficult for me.
Nessa saying NO is difficult for so many reasons, you are not alone I assure you. Next time you feel a YES slip out that doesn’t feel right maybe ask yourself what would happen if you say NO? Would it be okay. I wish you well.
For me its easier to say no to people I don’t know that well, but when it comes to friends then I don’t say no that often….
Laura a very common trait, we do not want to disappoint those we love.
I the hate hate saying no! I also hate hating stuff! I’m always getting dragged along to stuff and wishing I was at home getting stuff done that’s important to me 🙁
Jessica wow this sounds like a vicious cycle. What do you hate about saying no? What stuff is in the way and I wonder how you can become more comfortable with NO. Lots of wonderful gems of discovery you could explore here.
I’m working on it. I have started saying NO at work more often. We will work on my personal life next 🙂
Thanks
No is not an easy word to use. Sounds like you are making great progress.