I went to a circus performance last week, a small travelling family Circus.
I admired this group of performers. The artistry, the costumes, the makeup, the dedication to every show.
The cheerful girl selling tickets was later twirling ropes. The friendly doorman was eating fire.
I was enchanted by the razzle dazzle of their performance and in awe of their showmanship when the Big Top was barely half full.
Here is my confession…..
I too have been wearing a costume this week.
It sparkles, comes with a big smiley face and speaks of joy and happiness.
My costume is more of a disguise.
Hiding the negativity creeping in underneath.
Slowly I had become disheartened and frustrated
Losing my true sense of fun, my desire to just be me.
I had become Crusty the Clown
You see, I have been dreaming about this blog for a long time. I expected the work involved in writing and even the photography.
I took an Ecourse with Liv Lane, to Build a Blog you Truly Love. This gave me a foundation, an overview of blogging, filled in my knowledge gaps.
I was exposed to a whole world out there I did not know existed. Website jargon, website design elements I never noticed , social media strategies, Google Analytics.
All this before I had even written a post or taken a photo.
The more I learnt the, more I wanted to know, yesterday- impatience
The more I improved the more I compared myself – despair
Every website I visited added to my ideas book, colours, fonts, buttons, words, phrases.
I began using Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Flickr
I joined a zoo, Mail Chimp, Hootsuite and Picmonkey
The course showed me a world I wanted and I wanted it all and I wanted it now – more impatience
I began to compare – more despair
I began admiring websites that have been lovingly cultivated over years and years.
I even began to feel the big ugly J word, JEALOUS.
I was straying from my value system. Adopting anxiety, irritability and intolerance.
Time to own the negative feelings, trace their source and challenge them.
A bright colourful costume will never disguise negativity.
Today I am reclaiming myself, no more Crusty the Clown.
Today I am satisfied.
True to my magnificient, raw, honest and authentic self.
Proud of what I have achieved.
Patient and appreciative of the time and effort that goes in to creating an amazing blog.
Delighted to say I am well on my way……..Without Crusty.
Please if you enjoy my blog I would love you to spread the word. Use the buttons below to send my words out to Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and through emails. Sign up using the subscribe box. Use good old fashioned word of mouth and tell everyone to check out the web address www.karenmainonline.com
I promise to give you 100% at every performance and would love to fill up some more seats in my Big Top.