Fuelled by our mutual desire to love and lead dream lives, we consistently carved out time to share our goals, challenges and disappointments with the intention of keeping each other on track.
Week in and week out we gave our support, offered up wisdom, shared insights and encouraged each other to keep moving forward.
We celebrated many achievements, worked through numerous challenges and every Monday morning committed to new actions.
We then took an extended break over Christmas….
This is the unedited message I sent to my Buddy earlier this week.
“Hey Accountability Buddy, Mondays are not the same without our call.
I have a confession though, I’ve been avoiding sending you this message….for days.
Not because I’m avoiding you, in fact I long for one of our good long chats.
I wondered if I could call you and avoid the real stuff…
Maybe chat about the kids, weather and the fluff around the edges.
I know that would leave me feeling worse.
I don’t want to fluff through life.
That would be true avoidance.
You see, I’m avoiding the new year.
The decisions. The commitments. Choosing a focus.
I don’t feel ready.
I don’t know what I want to do next.
Which is even more reason for us to talk.
For me to venture into the discomfort and explore my options.
To choose an action…. for now!
To get unstuck and start moving forward.
It’s time… Do you want to chat? This week?”
It was challenging for me to write, and even more challenging to send… and yet the relief I felt was immense.
I’d finally owned my avoidance, confessed my confusion and admitted I don’t have it ALL together.
I was proudly and vulnerably asking for help to find my focus and choose worthy goals that I want to move forward on this year.
I know that I’m caught in a net of old patterns. Habits and thoughts that keep repeating themselves and, although I find comfort in them, I’m frustrated by them too.
I’m tired of my ‘over the top’ reactions to my kids because I’m saying too many yes’s.
Tired of prioritising housework over fun and adventure.
Tired of ignoring my own great ideas while following the norm.
Tired of believing the ‘not enough messages’ that have me wasting time and money to go chasing things I don’t want or need.
Tired of saying yes to be polite….
Its going to take some dedication and support for me to challenge and change much of this.
To decide what I want to continue with and what I want to leave behind.
To set real gutsy goals, that support my deeper truth and my even bigger dreams (and right now that goal may be to do less).
I’ve gone as far as I can alone.
It would’ve felt easier to hide and cover up my confusion until I could get all my ‘life ducks’ in a row.
Easy to set wishy-washy goals that don’t light me up.
Even easier to bury myself in busyness and have excuses for why our calls should wait.
But I don’t want to avoid life, my life, a life well lived.
I don’t want to spend a year with a million ideas… and no action.
I don’t want to fluff through a week, day or even minute with a ‘just ok’ life.
I don’t want to postpone growth, fun and adventures.
I don’t want to spend a precious moment wallowing in frustration, or even worse resentment.
I want to live well now, today, and I need help to do that.
So if you’re feeling stuck, and your goals and actions don’t reflect the depth of your dreams, then reach out and ask for help.
Get out of your head, and off the merry-go-round. Find a Coach, Teacher, Mentor, Friend…. someone who can cheer you on and keep you moving forward.
Inviting others to join your journey by way of vulnerability, is a giant step toward a life well lived.