I am never quite sure how it begins.
Could it be those few late nights? The yoga class I skipped?
Maybe the anticipation of school holidays and the ‘guilt juggle’ I then have with work?
Is it the lack of time for the list of things I truly want to do?
Is it knowing there are ideas I have left idle while I tackle the have to’s, should do’s and must do’s?
Maybe the unfinished tasks and the feeling that I am working hard and yet falling behind?
The storm is brewing.
The worry escalates and has me swirling around in frustration.
I dismiss the cranky, tell myself to chill and just let it go.
Still the storm keeps brewing.
I ignore the panic and wrestle the anger.
The suppressed heat rising and exploding as I shout and yell for relief.
The guilt creeps in, rolls over me and silence hits……for a moment.
Again the storm starts brewing.
The heat now scaring me with its destructive potential.
The chatter on the car radio irritates me, the lego underfoot sets me off.
The clutter on the bench more than I can bear.
The phone dings, a text comes through, constant reminders of places to be and all the more things to do.
I want to get back control.
I want to organise my way to safety.
I want the world to stop and be perfect.
I want to feel okay.
I bark orders, I clean rooms, I make beds, I wash clothes and I incessantly tidy the house.
I want things right.
I demand more and more of myself.
I demand more of those around me.
I am desperate to feel ok.
The more I push, the more I demand, the further I am from ease, flow and calm.
My desire to control now increases the ferocity of the storm.
I stare at myself in the mirror.
I ask myself what all this is for.
The more I force the world to be right, the less right I actually feel.
Exhausted I collapse onto the bathroom floor.
I begin to chant intuitively, let go and enjoy the flow.
Eventually I rise.
I prepare a nourishing meal.
I take a walk in the sunshine.
I sit quietly with the kids on the couch.
I leave the dishes until later.
I talk with my love.
I take a long hot shower.
I close the laundry door.
I read my book.
I sip my tea.
I go to bed early.
I remember what matters most.
Family, health, fun, joy, growth, connection……..
I wake to a new day and the storm has passed.
Control, power and perfectionism are not the pathway to ease.
Ease comes from our heart, our soul and our instinctive knowing.
Ease is not what we make happen, what we control and what we demand of ourselves and others.
Ease is our natural flow.
When you feel a storm of frustration brewing pay attention.
Let go of the desire to control and listen to the needs of your mind and your body.
Let go and enjoy the flow.