It was the first of several telltale signs.
That quick flutter in my chest.
The spark igniting me and electrifying me all the way to the tips of my toes.
The awakening of my purpose.
My inner chatter began, fuelling a fire as my focus shifted to the future and all that could go wrong there.
I was foreseeing moments of utter chaos and conjuring up dastardly consequences.
I was wide awake now and fighting hard to make it all stop.
Sleep became fragmented as I fought nocturnal urges for planning and my now incessant worrying.
My breathing constantly shallow as my shoulders hunched up and molten energy bubbled deep inside my gut.
My wonderful body now preparing for this perceived and imminent danger.
The chatter now relentless, there is so much to be done. I convince myself it is all up to me and I must be there for everyone.
A fire is now blazing, burning red hot, deep, down inside.
The pressure continues building, my skin electric to my own touch.
I am wrestling with my urges, convinced I must make them stop.
The signs no longer will be ignored……Beware, beware , beware.
My behaviour now erratic as my pride slips through the floor.
Talking way too fast, walking way too fast, outward expressions of the struggle going on within.
My mood has shifted too, tolerance and happiness elusive to me now.
I craft a crazy weapon from my now distorted version of a happy life. I must be still, I must rest, I must smother this burning desire.
The pressure is too great from the turmoil boiling within.
And then it finally happened, the words came tumbling out. I want to start my own coaching business.
The excitement and enthusiasm scaring my view of a soulful life.
I grapple with the urge to go hard, and then harder as I embrace the dedication required to make this work.
I strangle and repress these feelings out of fear. How will I be there for my family? How will I be there for myself? How will I not let anyone down?
The truth is I want this. I so want this I feel guilty for following such a heart driven dream.
It is time for me to end this fight and remove the unnecessary struggle.
To go all in on my life’s purpose.
To follow this pull toward my deepest desire and to free myself from the constraints of a perfect life.
Have you felt a pull toward a heart driven dream?