Envy – a feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else’s possessions, qualities, or luck: The Oxford Dictionary
Envious???? Me ??? No, never, nup, no way, Yuck, ewhh, ok maybe a little, sometimes, occasionally, okay, okay yes. This was my instinctive reaction to Danielle La Porte’s prompt this week, asking us to examine our envy.
I love reading her prompts then quietly dwelling on their meanings in my life and how they affect me.
This one had me squirming. Envy, ohh even the word sounds ugly to me.
Envy, do I have envy? I don’t want to. Of course I do, it is a natural human emotion.
Then came the question….. What kind of Success are you envious of?
Once again I denied this emotion, what I saw then as a flaw. A negative, a not nice part of me, the yuck with no good. I justified all of my envious thoughts and feelings as I chatted in my self talky kind of way. I don’t envy success. People work hard for what they achieve, they deserve it, they earn it, it is not my time yet. I am happy for them. Blah blah blah
The truth is I do envy other bloggers, other artists, other writers. I envy how many Facebook or Twitter followers they have? Why a snapshot of a breakfast get hundreds of likes and my painstakingly crafted macro photo of a flower only gets three? Why so many of their images get repinned and liked. How they have so many comments on every blog post?
I envy the size of their audience.
I compare, I despair, I want what they have.
I do envy their success.
Could it be how I use my envy that turns it ugly or into a beautiful life changing force?
Time to listen and deeply feel this raw emotion swirling within. A chance to increase my self-awareness to discover more from the source of my discomfort.
So what is my envy telling me?
Envy tells me to aim higher, to challenge myself, to stretch my wings and soar.
Envy says I am aware, switched on, ready for action.
Envy says I care, I want this, I am invested in the outcome.
Envy says I am alive, interested and ready.
Envy you are the beginning, you send the sparks igniting my passion.
You alert me to what I choose to now seek, aim and strive for.
Envy I now leave you for determination, patience and persistence.
Envy you showed me what I want, now it is up to me to go and work for it.
Envy I denied you, was embarrassed by you and I am sorry.
Envious yes I am and I use this power to now surge forward.
Do you ever deny your envy? What is it telling you?