I looked, she looked, we kept searching. It must be here, I will look harder, this is ridiculous, I am not trying hard enough. The heat of frustration taking over, fuelled by the cranky rumblings in my tummy. “Let’s grab some lunch and come back to this later.”
Refreshed we returned to the 500 piece puzzle, and there it was, smack, bang in front of me. That crazy jigsaw piece, that had somehow been my nemesis earlier today.
I awoke to the messages, the tweets all confirming my problem. “I want to comment on your last post and there is nowhere to do it.” Aaggghhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DONT KNOW HOW TO FIX IT.
I buried myself in the backend of my website, clicked this, flicked this, stared a lot. Then I Googled, I read, I Googled all day. I visited the same forums and the websites over and over again, somehow hoping the answer would be there the next time. Hot tears, it got late, I will try again tomorrow.
Google again and the same answers appear, the ones that don’t work, the same path I stomped down late last night.
I was going away, a few days with kids and friends. No laptop, no Google, no looking for answers.
I came home last night and checked on my problem, yes it was still there in all its painful glory.
I Googled a new question and lo and behold a new answer appeared, right there on my screen. This could not be true. I read through the steps, I followed them carefully and then wowza my comment form miraculously appeared.
Just like the jigsaw my answer was there, blocked by my frustration and my brain continuing to search for a different answer in all the same places.
I began to notice more of this happening in life, the repetitive actions we take even though they do not produce an outcome we desire.
The processed and nutritionally hollow foods we eat and the exercise classes we miss, when we most want to feel healthy and energised.
Endlessly repeating ourselves when asking our children to do something, and yet expecting them to act promptly the next time we ask.
The late nights and obsessive work hours, leaving us tired and drained when in fact we seek rejuvenation and renewal.
The hours we lose on social media when we most desire intimate connections with friends and family.
The partner we stay with whose cheating has eroded all trust, and yet we most want to be loved and respected.
The patterns we are in, the behaviours we repeat, the obligations we indulge, the ongoing search for happiness in the places we know it has never been found before.
The behaviours we doggedly repeat in the mistaken belief the next time will deliver the result we want.
It is when I slow down, step back, and exist in the stillness and the quiet that I am truly able to examine my path. The one I am currently on, the direction I am heading and the results I am getting through the choices I am making.
Then I ask the question…….Is all this leading to my most desirable life?
Are you too close, too busy, too stuck in a pattern, to truly see the path to your own desires?