I’ve recently had a big, messy, awakening.
It came after days spent consumed by frustration, dissatisfaction and all the other yucky stuff that swirls around these heavy emotions.
Let me tell you I had my whinge on big time… complaining to anyone who would listen, out for revenge and seriously cranky.
Looking back I can say it was ugly and it was messy.
But sometimes getting messy is when we learn, it’s how we reconnect with what truly matters and its how we realign with our values and our truth.
So what happened??? We sold our home.
It was a bright, sun-shiny afternoon, there was a big crowd blocking our street and a sea of friendly faces cheering us on as we listened to our beloved first home sell under the hammer.
Afterwards we got to meet the wonderful family who’ll become the new owners. I watched as their young boys played on our lawn and my heart warmed when I heard how much they already love our home too.
It was the fairy tale ending I had dreamed of.
But that’s not how I saw it then. I’d lost sight of that dream because I was blinded by greed and hyped up on ego.
Yes I was relieved the house had sold quickly and delighted by the new owners, but I was stuck in a comparison trap and joy was missing from that day.
Pride, achievement, excitement, gratitude all robbed from our celebration and replaced by greed, envy and disappointment.
The ugly stuff… My ego wanting to be ‘one of those homes’ that gets an obscene result and everyone raves about. And my greed wanting more, more, more because I was comparing the result to others and wanting to beat the record price across the road.
I wasn’t focussed on my own journey, my goals, my families future plans. I wasn’t grateful for my very sweet patch in the world. In that moment I was more concerned with what was going on with everyone else. What they’d got and what everyone was thinking about our result.
I was comparing my achievement to others, wanting to impress those outside of me and to achieve more than those around me. None of this felt good.
Fortunately I have some very kind, patient and understanding people in my life who listened, and listened to me rant and blame. Giving me safe and trusted space to explore my ugly thoughts and investigate my heavy feelings.
Slowly I untangled myself from the greedy mess.
Today I’m mighty proud of what my family and I have achieved this year, grateful for the result we got and the quick sale. And I’m filled with joy knowing the best is still to come.
Recognising that I was seduced by greed and allowing my ego to lead the way in those few dark days has been difficult to admit, but its my truth.
And a great life is not measured by how perfect and easy it is, by how many messes you ignore and by how many challenges you walk away from.
A great life is created when you feel the uncomfortable, step into your truth, surround yourself with supportive love and learn from the emotional signposts that come your way.
When feeling dissatisfied, resentful, angry, frustrated, annoyed lean into those feelings and follow the thoughts they generate that lead to your truth.
Being honest with yourself is the only way through. Its messy, uncomfortable… Gee I know that.
It’s also worth it, so very worth it. Because YOUR joy, satisfaction and fulfilment are waiting on the other side.
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