Even writing that sends a wave of conflicting emotions through me. Anticipation, Fear, Hope, Doubt, Excitement, Confusion. What lies ahead?
Once again more questions arise than answers. Seems to be the underlying theme for my first year here…. more questions than answers.
Do I really live here? What does it mean to live somewhere? Must I work here to really live there?
What about connections and community. How do you get that sense of belonging? Is it from socialising here? Should I have friends here? Is this my community yet?
More questions than answers…
365 days ago I stripped myself bare of the comforts of familiarity. Left behind routines, habits (good and bad), local knowledge, rituals and regularity to embrace confusion, disorientation and discomfort.
Exposed and in this very raw state my senses were heightened. Time expanded, I noticed and heard things I once took for granted.
I dabbled in fear and anxiety amongst vast opportunity. My confidence plummeted while my hope soared.
It’s uncomfortable to be in the thick of change. Nothing is ‘the same’. There’s no autopilot.
So, here’s what I’ve learnt from my first 365 days…. in no particular order.
Connections are fuel for the soul
Belonging gives me confidence and community matters more than I realised
Out of sight (or city) is not out of heart or mind
Tomorrow may surprise you
I love my own company
Nature is noisy
I’m strong and I’m messy
Dreams are different to reality
You won’t always fit in, and it is ok
Some days I’ll need a friend
The future has ideas we don’t know about
Curiosity is our ally. Fear is an overly enthusiastic protector
Love is strong
Rejection hurts. Rejection is a new beginning
Space fills easily without boundaries
I’m loved and I matter
Finding kindreds takes time, maybe they find you
Life’s not a race
Great things take time
I’m more than I realised
Nurturing a new nest is important
I can make a difference my own way
Gutsy dreams need a long runway to soar
Busy knows how to find me
A year is not long. A year is a very long time
Despite the doubt, and dips in confidence I continue to wake each day willing to embrace the opportunities that come my way.
I seek comfort for my soul in nature, in love and in friendship.
I steady myself when I wobble by pursuing the things that matter most and I know make a real difference.
I nourish my soul with kindness, rest and health, my fuel for the longer journey ahead.
When my Gutsy Dream first called to me doubt and fear jumped in the way and offered me 101 reasons why not.
Fear and doubt want us to play it safe. Live that autopilot life. Ticking off years while waiting for ‘one day’.
But, a great life lived is not measured by how ‘easy’ it is.
Meaningful living is moving forward, through the discomfort and the ease, while saying yes to YOU and your dreams.
I found the freedom to feel alive once I allowed this thought to enter my mind. “There will never be a right time to pursue a gutsy dream. Do it now or you may never.”
When in fear and doubt, follow the thought that makes you feel alive.
Because living is what you’re here to do.