What would feel like an absolute pleasure right now?
My client squirmed and whispered. “Pleasure? Me? Uuuugghhhh! I dunno”.
I persisted, (because that’s what a coach does.) What do you crave, yearn for or secretly desire?
More of the same… “I don’t really think about feelings like that.”
“Okay then…. How about we make a feel good wish list”, I suggested.
A simple list… So she wished and we wrote a list.
Then….. “What could you possibly do on this list? If not today, one day?” I was curious.
“Oh I don’t know,” she mumbled moving back in her chair, getting further away from the list.
It was as if she was pushing happiness away. I could tell the idea of intentionally feeling good was still too much.
Which has me wondering… Why do we avoid joy and push away the good feelings?
Feeling good, REALLY GOOD is incredible and yet the power of these feeling can stir up fear.
When you embrace joy and follow your desires it opens you right up. Uplifts and expands you in an almost scary way.
And if you’ve been pottering along, feeling so-so and just-okay for a while, then going after positive feelings won’t be easy.
Wanting what feels good requires constant change and that takes guts and determination.
And then there’s those happy reactions. You might want to scream and jump around. Do happy dances in the supermarket. Maybe you’ll get one of those smiles that lights up a room.
But there’s that message, the one you got in your early years – Don’t be too much, too honest, too loud, too excited, too hopeful. Whatever you do don’t get carried away – people don’t like that.
So you’ve learnt to keep a lid on it, keep joy at bay so you don’t disrupt the people who exist in comfortable-misery.
Because if you’re too happy you might make them feel deprived in comparison.
We push away good feelings because the positive can create a contrast to the negative. The pleasure will expose our pain and if you don’t go all in on joy, you don’t have to go all in on sorrow.
And so you numb out safely somewhere in between.
And anyway, what would happen if you did quit that unfulfilling job, travelled because you felt like it and sold your business because you no longer loved it? (JOY)
And imagine if you started to say no to the people who drag you down and yes to family over money? (MORE JOY!)
Imagine saying no to all the resentment and inviting in new levels of satisfaction. (That’s right…. JOY!)
Going all in on joy and sharing your happiness might make you stand out, seem loud and shine bright. And this may be too much for some.
Choosing joy isn’t always easy…. But trust me YOUR worth it.